Saturday Misery

Lately I haven't had much time to do my head-cleaning. Yesterday it became all at once. A little get together with few friends and colleagues turned into a bit wild scenery from Human traffic.

I mean, I woke up like thousand times during the night in the middle of the day and was feeling like crap, which is nothing happening very often. Don't get me wrong, from time to time its really important to destroy yourself and kill all those remaining brain cells who refused to die during the work week, but oh god, those consequences... My head feels like its been banged repeatedly with a very large hammer and then run over by a train. The idiotic idea to do some work today.. I don't know where THAT came from, past me, again made a check, that current me just can't cash. And Im not even home yet. Sitting on the train from the city.Its raining, its foggy and unpleasant, its maybe 15°C tops, but you know what? I like it. I really like it, its classic english summer. One can just sit back and enjoy passing scenery with nothing but a great electronic orchestral music in the ears. So many things sticking from the ground up.

I like trains. When they are clean and taken care of, its very good place to be. Tracks lined with the original mother natures creations, it just somehow comes together in the end. And I don't know, but it seems rather efficient to me. Yes, it is slow and you have to wait a lot, and its not exactly what you call cheap, but there are ways around those issues, time management being one of them. And Im not even talking about the amount of work which can be done, during the train travel. Normally I hate public transportation of any sort, but there are times, when the heart just sings with this experience. Once again is proved, that when you feel miserable, there is not much you need to be happy. Im spoiled in this, I think we all are, we built our lives around the car and not much of us is really willing to accept any other form of transport, because its just somehow demeaning and time consuming. But hey, when you're not well, you gladly accept any assistance you can lay your hands on, so I suggest to rethink the values a bit.

But more to the point, why I started writing this column.

Do you know the states of your life, when you don't know, where are you going, what are you doing, and what exactly should it be for, but you still somehow seem to feel good and happy? Do you have those? Because I sure as hell do. :) And well, I wont lie, sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't. Today I kinda do. It gives me a chance to recap all those past months, years, to make a closure, to take from it the best I possibly can for the future, to actually make a decision about things, that were bothering me for last 6 or so months and finally allow my brain to plan the whole thing, blueprint it, file it and put it on a shelf, which it will be sitting, until the time is right to get it of again and execute it.The tremendous amount of energy, wasted because some part of me didn't actually know what to do, how to proceed, on which values to build, it is incredible, how one can be exhausted by his own inability to make choices and decisions. Now Im fairly relaxed, I got my decision, I got to clean my head and swipe all that shit of the ground and put it where it belongs. To the trashcan somewhere in the back of my brain.Its amazing, what one evening and following morning can do to the human mind. Im very grateful, that Im sensitive enough to perceive it and be able to soak it in.

Oh, my station. Im off, thanks for the attention, folks. :o)